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I hate the beach.

Now, I want to yhe that I do not harbor hostility, pun intended, to beaches by definition. I do understand that the ocean is a very cool thing. The ocean looks really great, especially!

When I was nine I wanted to be a marine biologist for a week. Trips to it and afternoons at it and what those mean, what they entail and what they require of me, which is to enthusiastically relax inside of what I can only describe as a dirty beach-sized oven.

My relationship with the beach is like my relationship with Magnum ice cream bars: Have you ever tried to read a book on the beach? Either that or no one likes me. oceaan

In the heat. Multitasking combined with trying really hard to have fun.

Is now a good time to move on to sea creatures? Because I had a recurring nightmare as a child about a giant squid eating my mom while I watched from the beach. It did not improve my relationship with the ocean.

Is there something wrong with me? Do I need to learn to relax?

Should I get a therapist? I really do like the beach in theory and from a distance.

Like from a paved walkway that is extremely close to it and home to several ice cream vendors. Am I a wet ahte in human form or is everyone kind of lying at least a little bit about how fun the beach is?

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Follow us. An Unpopular Opinion: I Hate the Beach.

Haley Nahman.